not sleep??
Wednesday, January 25, 2006
Wednesday, January 18, 2006
All I ever really needed to know I learned from my infant.
Since I'm on a list kick...here is everything I've ever needed to know that I've learned from Rachel.
1. It is much more fun to blow raspberries with strained peas in your mouth.
2. Bald is beautiful.
3. You CAN fit your entire fist in your mouth.
4. If you yell loud enough eventually you'll get your way.
5. Smile at someone long enough they can't help but smile back.
6. You can wash anything.
7. If you gotta go, you gotta go. See #6.
8. You CAN get far on your looks.
9. Stick out your lower lip and you'll always get your way.
10. Riding backwards in the car is much more fun than forward.
11. Doggies are WAY COOL.
12. It is funny when you sneeze.
13. Passing gas at the dinner table is acceptable behavior.
14. And a good burp makes everyone feel better.
15. There are plenty of things to play with right on my body.
16. Two naps a day are essential
1. It is much more fun to blow raspberries with strained peas in your mouth.
2. Bald is beautiful.
3. You CAN fit your entire fist in your mouth.
4. If you yell loud enough eventually you'll get your way.
5. Smile at someone long enough they can't help but smile back.
6. You can wash anything.
7. If you gotta go, you gotta go. See #6.
8. You CAN get far on your looks.
9. Stick out your lower lip and you'll always get your way.
10. Riding backwards in the car is much more fun than forward.
11. Doggies are WAY COOL.
12. It is funny when you sneeze.
13. Passing gas at the dinner table is acceptable behavior.
14. And a good burp makes everyone feel better.
15. There are plenty of things to play with right on my body.
16. Two naps a day are essential
The last 50.
Here they are...
51. I hate that sucker bulb thing I have to use to suck out snot from my daughter's nose
52. I like my limbs squished under my husband when I sleep.
53. I dislike the mall.
54. I always put the shopping cart in the shopping cart receptacle when finished.
55. I wish I could think of great posts on a daily basis like bloggers like Happy and Blue.
56. My husband doesn't understand my humor.
57. My guess is no one does.
58. And that's....OK.
59. I think there isn't much on TV these days.
60. I wonder why it seems to always be on?
61. I have 8 hammers
62. I'm not sure why I have 8 hammers
63. I have a ton of scissors, too.
64. But I can never seem to find any.
65. Or nail clippers.
66. I just joined Flylady's e-mail list.
67. I can never finish a project before I start another.
68. My dog needs a bath
69. I despise clipping my dog and my daughter's nails.
70. My favorite vacation was Hawaii.
71. I will probably never be able to afford to go there again.
72. I've been twice to Maui
73. I wish my dauther would sleep longer
74. We're going to a sleep clinic on February 6th.
75. I like to landscape
76. My dream would be to restore an old victorian house
77. We move too much.
78. In the 13 years we've been married we've moved 6 times.
79. That's what I get for marrying an itinerate pastor.
80. My in-laws visit once a month.
81. They drive me crazy sometimes.
82. They mean well. Usually.
83. I accidentally stuck my finger in a working light socket when I was a kid.
84. I wish my daughter lived in the days that I did..where I could go out and play in the neighborhood and just come when my mother called.
85. I always stay up way too late.
86. I haven't ridden a bike in over a year.
87. I still have the teddy bears my husband gave me when we were dating
88. I lost the promise ring he gave me when I was 16. It was stolen.
89. I look forward to getting the mail everyday.
90. Rarely is there any mail worth looking forward to.
91. I used to wear socks that matched my shrit just about every day in College.
92. I found out years later that people who didn't know me called me "Sock girl".
93. I am getting into watching the Waltons.
94. I love chocolate shakes
95. I made the All Region Choir in high school
96. I tasted my daughter's Pedialyte and it tasted like Gatorade on speed.
97. I like irises
98. I am tired 90% of the time.
99. I love baking.
100. I'm done with this list.
51. I hate that sucker bulb thing I have to use to suck out snot from my daughter's nose
52. I like my limbs squished under my husband when I sleep.
53. I dislike the mall.
54. I always put the shopping cart in the shopping cart receptacle when finished.
55. I wish I could think of great posts on a daily basis like bloggers like Happy and Blue.
56. My husband doesn't understand my humor.
57. My guess is no one does.
58. And that's....OK.
59. I think there isn't much on TV these days.
60. I wonder why it seems to always be on?
61. I have 8 hammers
62. I'm not sure why I have 8 hammers
63. I have a ton of scissors, too.
64. But I can never seem to find any.
65. Or nail clippers.
66. I just joined Flylady's e-mail list.
67. I can never finish a project before I start another.
68. My dog needs a bath
69. I despise clipping my dog and my daughter's nails.
70. My favorite vacation was Hawaii.
71. I will probably never be able to afford to go there again.
72. I've been twice to Maui
73. I wish my dauther would sleep longer
74. We're going to a sleep clinic on February 6th.
75. I like to landscape
76. My dream would be to restore an old victorian house
77. We move too much.
78. In the 13 years we've been married we've moved 6 times.
79. That's what I get for marrying an itinerate pastor.
80. My in-laws visit once a month.
81. They drive me crazy sometimes.
82. They mean well. Usually.
83. I accidentally stuck my finger in a working light socket when I was a kid.
84. I wish my daughter lived in the days that I did..where I could go out and play in the neighborhood and just come when my mother called.
85. I always stay up way too late.
86. I haven't ridden a bike in over a year.
87. I still have the teddy bears my husband gave me when we were dating
88. I lost the promise ring he gave me when I was 16. It was stolen.
89. I look forward to getting the mail everyday.
90. Rarely is there any mail worth looking forward to.
91. I used to wear socks that matched my shrit just about every day in College.
92. I found out years later that people who didn't know me called me "Sock girl".
93. I am getting into watching the Waltons.
94. I love chocolate shakes
95. I made the All Region Choir in high school
96. I tasted my daughter's Pedialyte and it tasted like Gatorade on speed.
97. I like irises
98. I am tired 90% of the time.
99. I love baking.
100. I'm done with this list.
Monday, January 16, 2006
Is this 200 things, or 100 take two?
Since my husband informed me that #2 on my last post wasn't funny, I feel obligated to post something else. However, I have nothing interesting to say. So, I'm going to do another 100 things about me list. Which will actually be 200 things about me. I know, I know, you are thinking I'm not that interesting to have 200 things. Well, blame it on my husband then.
1. I burnt my tounge.
2. I hate it when I do that.
3. I love it when it rains
4. If I don't have to go anywhere
5. I would watch HGTV all the time if my husband would let me.
6. He hates HGTV and makes fun of it.
7. I love beagles and other hound dogs
8. I had a beagle but she was from a puppy mill and had all kinds of health problems.
9. I spent thousands on her and she lived to be eight.
10. I have a 13 year old 13 pounds mutt named 'Casey'
11. Five of my close friends I met on the internet.
12. I'm kind of embarrassed about that.
13. They all live in different parts of the country and Canada.
14. I'm very easy going. Probably too easy going.
15. Sometimes I have to quit watching the news for a while because it upsets me so badly.
16. There was a time I wasn't sure I wanted kids.
17. I definitely had no idea what I was in for with kids.
18. I wouldn't change having my daughter for anything.
19. In fact, I find myself wanting another.
20. Then I come back to reality.
21. I have a hangnail.
22. I should use lotion on my hands but I never do.
23. I always seem to get it for gifts and it ends up old and crusty under my sink.
24. I know, you don't care.
25. If I start a book I feel obligated to finish it.
26. I have never done illegal drugs
27. My dog sleeps on a heating pad.
28. I hear that's not good for them, but she's 13 so I figure she deserves it.
29. I need to make my bed more often.
30. I think Pam cooking spray works better than the generic.
31. I cut my finger cleaning the garage.
32. My car is way dirtier than it should be.
33. I want to lose 15 pounds before I get pregnant again.
34. I'm putting off losing those 15.
35. I'm not sure why.
36. I lied. It's because I'm lazy.
37. I have an aversion to tape or things sticky.
38. I want a nicer digital camera
39. I like Better Cheddar crackers but not all stores carry them.
40. I'll settle for golfish if I have to.
41. These two thing don't help me with #33
42. I think the chicken came before the egg.
43. Or maybe it's the egg before the chicken
44. Or was it just that it crossed the road?
45. Certain bloggers intreague me. Some bore me. Most inspire me.
46. I like protein for breakfast
47. There aren't many protein choices for breakfast.
48. I never eat samples when offered at the grocery store.
49. Because I never know what to do with the little cup they give it to you in.
50. I'm going to finish the other 50 later. I need to get to bed.
1. I burnt my tounge.
2. I hate it when I do that.
3. I love it when it rains
4. If I don't have to go anywhere
5. I would watch HGTV all the time if my husband would let me.
6. He hates HGTV and makes fun of it.
7. I love beagles and other hound dogs
8. I had a beagle but she was from a puppy mill and had all kinds of health problems.
9. I spent thousands on her and she lived to be eight.
10. I have a 13 year old 13 pounds mutt named 'Casey'
11. Five of my close friends I met on the internet.
12. I'm kind of embarrassed about that.
13. They all live in different parts of the country and Canada.
14. I'm very easy going. Probably too easy going.
15. Sometimes I have to quit watching the news for a while because it upsets me so badly.
16. There was a time I wasn't sure I wanted kids.
17. I definitely had no idea what I was in for with kids.
18. I wouldn't change having my daughter for anything.
19. In fact, I find myself wanting another.
20. Then I come back to reality.
21. I have a hangnail.
22. I should use lotion on my hands but I never do.
23. I always seem to get it for gifts and it ends up old and crusty under my sink.
24. I know, you don't care.
25. If I start a book I feel obligated to finish it.
26. I have never done illegal drugs
27. My dog sleeps on a heating pad.
28. I hear that's not good for them, but she's 13 so I figure she deserves it.
29. I need to make my bed more often.
30. I think Pam cooking spray works better than the generic.
31. I cut my finger cleaning the garage.
32. My car is way dirtier than it should be.
33. I want to lose 15 pounds before I get pregnant again.
34. I'm putting off losing those 15.
35. I'm not sure why.
36. I lied. It's because I'm lazy.
37. I have an aversion to tape or things sticky.
38. I want a nicer digital camera
39. I like Better Cheddar crackers but not all stores carry them.
40. I'll settle for golfish if I have to.
41. These two thing don't help me with #33
42. I think the chicken came before the egg.
43. Or maybe it's the egg before the chicken
44. Or was it just that it crossed the road?
45. Certain bloggers intreague me. Some bore me. Most inspire me.
46. I like protein for breakfast
47. There aren't many protein choices for breakfast.
48. I never eat samples when offered at the grocery store.
49. Because I never know what to do with the little cup they give it to you in.
50. I'm going to finish the other 50 later. I need to get to bed.
Forget dieting...I'm having dessert!
I'm having lunch with the sweet and lovely Milkmaid! If you haven't visited her blog...go do it! What are you waiting for??
**We had a great time at lunch...she looks 10 years younger than she is. She wouldn't tell me her secret. She is as nice and down to earth as her blog!**
**We had a great time at lunch...she looks 10 years younger than she is. She wouldn't tell me her secret. She is as nice and down to earth as her blog!**
Thursday, January 12, 2006
The things that go through my mind.
Sometimes I start pondering things then wonder if I should admit that I ponder these things. Oh, well, if you want to put me away to the funny farm at least I'd get some sleep!
1. Why do people assume because you are a preacher's wife that you know everything theologically? Do they think I went to seminary WITH him?
2. Why is a "nose job" and a "boob job" names for plastic surgery, but a "hand job", well, is...not?
3. Why did Ben and Jerry's quit selling Festivus flavor?
4. I know doves mate for life, but do they mate for love or is it a pre-arranged mating?
5. How in heck does my daughter have RED hair?
6. Do people actually watch "Fear Factor"?
7. Would someone please put Pat Robertson to sleep?
8. Why after 13 good years of being housebroken does my dog think she can now poop on the carpet?
9. Is there any way to attach the pacifier to my kid's lips when she sleeps?
10. Jelly Bellies are $6 a pound. Are they really worth it? Should I just be happy my husband is addicted to those and not some tobacco product?
That's all.
1. Why do people assume because you are a preacher's wife that you know everything theologically? Do they think I went to seminary WITH him?
2. Why is a "nose job" and a "boob job" names for plastic surgery, but a "hand job", well, is...not?
3. Why did Ben and Jerry's quit selling Festivus flavor?
4. I know doves mate for life, but do they mate for love or is it a pre-arranged mating?
5. How in heck does my daughter have RED hair?
6. Do people actually watch "Fear Factor"?
7. Would someone please put Pat Robertson to sleep?
8. Why after 13 good years of being housebroken does my dog think she can now poop on the carpet?
9. Is there any way to attach the pacifier to my kid's lips when she sleeps?
10. Jelly Bellies are $6 a pound. Are they really worth it? Should I just be happy my husband is addicted to those and not some tobacco product?
That's all.
Tuesday, January 10, 2006
You Know That Movie "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest"? I'm Jack Nicholson.
I have reached the corners of all patheticness. Is that a new word? Patheticness? Regardless, it fits.
The problem with being a career person turned stay-at-home-mom is you lose your friends. When you work you have friends that work with you. And what do you talk about? Work. And if your friends aren't colleagues, then they are other kidless professionals that you picked up here or there. What do you talk about? Work. What is your life consumed with? Work.
Then, you become the SAHM. It all seems glamourous to your working kidless friends. You stay at home, go to the zoo, have playdates, and lunches with no time limits. Ahh, yes, the naive opinions of being a SAHM to those that neither stay at home nor have children.
When you make this decision your friends agree you'll keep in touch. But your once best friends in the whole wide world no longer have anything in common with you. Oh, they are happy for you that your life has taken on this all too unfamiliar path. And they intend to keep in touch with you. And they do. At first. But what was once a daily friendship turns into a weekly, then biweekly, then monthly, then the occassional Christmas Card friendship until you realize they've moved and you don't have their forwarding address.
So, here I sit. I realized on New Year's Eve that I literally hadn't been out of the house since December 10th. This from someone who traveled and was rarely in one city for a week, who had something to do or somewhere to go every weekend. Who volunteered at the church, who couldn't say "no", whose phone rang off the hook. So, I forced hubby to take me and the little one out to dinner. He suggested I find friends.
Have you ever been single and wanted to be married really bad? You know that despearate feeling? If you haven't been there certainly you've known someone who has. Well, that's me. And I have that same desperate look on my face that makes everyone run when they see me. Except I'm not looking for a husband. I want a/some friends.
Finding other SAHM's seems to be harder than I would expect. And the ones I have found already have friends and seem to be content with those. If I see another SAHM I look desperately in her eyes like a little kid, and my eyes scream "Will you be my friend?", which, by the way, is a real turnoff.
So, here I sit. Day after day. The only conversation I have is with 5 month old, and the occassional hour a day with my husband.
Keep the straight jacket handy.
The problem with being a career person turned stay-at-home-mom is you lose your friends. When you work you have friends that work with you. And what do you talk about? Work. And if your friends aren't colleagues, then they are other kidless professionals that you picked up here or there. What do you talk about? Work. What is your life consumed with? Work.
Then, you become the SAHM. It all seems glamourous to your working kidless friends. You stay at home, go to the zoo, have playdates, and lunches with no time limits. Ahh, yes, the naive opinions of being a SAHM to those that neither stay at home nor have children.
When you make this decision your friends agree you'll keep in touch. But your once best friends in the whole wide world no longer have anything in common with you. Oh, they are happy for you that your life has taken on this all too unfamiliar path. And they intend to keep in touch with you. And they do. At first. But what was once a daily friendship turns into a weekly, then biweekly, then monthly, then the occassional Christmas Card friendship until you realize they've moved and you don't have their forwarding address.
So, here I sit. I realized on New Year's Eve that I literally hadn't been out of the house since December 10th. This from someone who traveled and was rarely in one city for a week, who had something to do or somewhere to go every weekend. Who volunteered at the church, who couldn't say "no", whose phone rang off the hook. So, I forced hubby to take me and the little one out to dinner. He suggested I find friends.
Have you ever been single and wanted to be married really bad? You know that despearate feeling? If you haven't been there certainly you've known someone who has. Well, that's me. And I have that same desperate look on my face that makes everyone run when they see me. Except I'm not looking for a husband. I want a/some friends.
Finding other SAHM's seems to be harder than I would expect. And the ones I have found already have friends and seem to be content with those. If I see another SAHM I look desperately in her eyes like a little kid, and my eyes scream "Will you be my friend?", which, by the way, is a real turnoff.
So, here I sit. Day after day. The only conversation I have is with 5 month old, and the occassional hour a day with my husband.
Keep the straight jacket handy.
Thursday, January 05, 2006
Weird Habits.
Oh Girl tagged me for a meme. I have to list my five wierd habits and then tag others to list theirs. And just when I ran out of things to say!
1) I wash and my hair every day and always in the morning. No matter what. Even if I'm not going anywhere, don't put on make-up, or wear anything but my PJ's. My hair will be washed. It's curly, so if I don't it ends up in a tangled mess. And, if I don't wash it every day it ends up so greasy you could oil your car with it.
2) If I am sitting around I need some sort of a throw blanket on me. I was so bad that when I worked in a lab I used to bring a sweater to throw on my lap when I was at my desk. The people in the lab used to call me "Grandma Carol" because of it.
3) If I write anything, say on a calendar or in a note, and I mess up, I either need to use liquid paper (white-out) or rewrite the entire thing completely. If it's a note I will rewrite it, if it is a calendar that I can't just throw I will use liquid paper. If I'm writing a grocery list and have to mark something out, I'll rewrite the entire list. Yes, I realize I could get committed for this.
4) I constantly twist my hair while driving. If I am on a long road trip my fingers get sore I do it so much. It's annoying.
5) I can only eat ice cream at night. It's weird, but I swear it just doesn't taste the same during the day.
And now for the obligatory tags. I must pick three good friends, because they won't beat me up for picking them, and one other person I don't know well but she seems too nice to hate me for tagging her. So, Fizzy at Fizzy's Nuthouse, Adrienne at Just my Junk, Angie at Rocks and Garbage, and Chickity China.
Oh, and just a hint for those of you who decide to do this...don't ask your spouse what he/she thinks your weird habits are or they'll start listing your not-necessarily weird but habits that annoy them.
1) I wash and my hair every day and always in the morning. No matter what. Even if I'm not going anywhere, don't put on make-up, or wear anything but my PJ's. My hair will be washed. It's curly, so if I don't it ends up in a tangled mess. And, if I don't wash it every day it ends up so greasy you could oil your car with it.
2) If I am sitting around I need some sort of a throw blanket on me. I was so bad that when I worked in a lab I used to bring a sweater to throw on my lap when I was at my desk. The people in the lab used to call me "Grandma Carol" because of it.
3) If I write anything, say on a calendar or in a note, and I mess up, I either need to use liquid paper (white-out) or rewrite the entire thing completely. If it's a note I will rewrite it, if it is a calendar that I can't just throw I will use liquid paper. If I'm writing a grocery list and have to mark something out, I'll rewrite the entire list. Yes, I realize I could get committed for this.
4) I constantly twist my hair while driving. If I am on a long road trip my fingers get sore I do it so much. It's annoying.
5) I can only eat ice cream at night. It's weird, but I swear it just doesn't taste the same during the day.
And now for the obligatory tags. I must pick three good friends, because they won't beat me up for picking them, and one other person I don't know well but she seems too nice to hate me for tagging her. So, Fizzy at Fizzy's Nuthouse, Adrienne at Just my Junk, Angie at Rocks and Garbage, and Chickity China.
Oh, and just a hint for those of you who decide to do this...don't ask your spouse what he/she thinks your weird habits are or they'll start listing your not-necessarily weird but habits that annoy them.
Sunday, January 01, 2006
Children
Sometimes it scares her. Well, actually, it always scares her. This new emotion that she felt. This new 'love'. To love a child is a feeling you can't explain. She thought she loved her niece as much as she could her own. And she does love her as intensely as she thought love could go. But having your own is different, and she knows that now.
Kate had a pretty normal childhood until she was about 10. Her family moved half a country away then and all hell broke loose. Her dad couldn't find work. Her mom got sick. Her mom survived but became so depressed she was hardly a mom. Kate's dad, finally finding a good job, worked 12 hour days often 7 days a week for the overtime. He also had to deal with Kate's mom, what time did he have to deal with Kate?
So, her defense came in the form of self-reliance. Not a bad thing, really. She kept her nose in the books, made good grades, kept herself out of trouble, made sure she was the best at everything she could be. If only all parents experienced kids with this sort of rebellion. But Kate knew she was it. If she relied on anyone else for anything she would only be disappointed. So, she must make something of herself for survival.
She hated asking her parents for money. More like afraid to ask. Not that her parents would scold her for it, but the mere look on their faces, she knew they didn't have much to give. She got a job at 15 and saved her money hoping to buy a car, to save for just in case. You never know when you'll need it. When she needed to go to the dentist at 16 she used this money to pay for it. When she saved up enough she bought that car, and had a little in savings.
In high school she had a boyfriend. Like most high school romances, it came to an end. After school she came home and cried. Her mother came in her room and said "I don't want you to come home crying tomorrow" in a mocking voice. Kate realized she had let her feelings out. Oops. A mistake. She'll never let it happen again.
When Kate got older she went to college, married sensibly, graduated college, and got a job. She climbed the corporate ladder like everyone assumed she would. She married, but didn't rely on even her husband. For anything. No, you can only rely on yourself if you want to survive.
Kate and her husband decided to have a baby. Kate longed for one of her own, and that's what she was supposed to do, right? To please her parents and everyone else? She got pregnant and everyone was glad.
Kate struggled because she felt as though she should quit her job for the sake of the baby. After all, lets be realistic. You can't work 70 hours a week and have a baby. At least not teach it and raise it to be self-reliant. This, after all, is what it will need to survive.
This dillemma was such a struggle for her. How was she supposed to be self-reliant for herself now? Panic set in. She realized her husband was perfectly capable of being the breadwinner, but 'what if'?? You just never know. After all, her parents were supposed to fill her basic needs, to be her emotional support, and look what happened?
Kate quit her job when the baby was born. And then it happened. The love. The emotion she was feeling. That scary love that she is afraid to unleash because in the past it has only come to haunt her later. It amazes her how she let this little thing that can't even speak, can't even feed itself, take all her own self reliance. And not only that, but she actually let the little thing make her feel again. Like she hasn't felt since she was a child. And this child's love made her look at her husband in a new light, admire him, see parts of him that she wouldn't let herself see before. He was charming, handsome, strong. She let herself love him, too. Really love him for what seemed like the first time.
Kate still finds herself scared, waiting for this love to hurt her. Most of the time she can't enjoy it because of the fear. But every once in a while she catches a glimpse of relaxing, of enjoying the love, and she realizes she has grown a little.
We think we are put on earth to teach our children, but I think God had bigger plans.
Kate had a pretty normal childhood until she was about 10. Her family moved half a country away then and all hell broke loose. Her dad couldn't find work. Her mom got sick. Her mom survived but became so depressed she was hardly a mom. Kate's dad, finally finding a good job, worked 12 hour days often 7 days a week for the overtime. He also had to deal with Kate's mom, what time did he have to deal with Kate?
So, her defense came in the form of self-reliance. Not a bad thing, really. She kept her nose in the books, made good grades, kept herself out of trouble, made sure she was the best at everything she could be. If only all parents experienced kids with this sort of rebellion. But Kate knew she was it. If she relied on anyone else for anything she would only be disappointed. So, she must make something of herself for survival.
She hated asking her parents for money. More like afraid to ask. Not that her parents would scold her for it, but the mere look on their faces, she knew they didn't have much to give. She got a job at 15 and saved her money hoping to buy a car, to save for just in case. You never know when you'll need it. When she needed to go to the dentist at 16 she used this money to pay for it. When she saved up enough she bought that car, and had a little in savings.
In high school she had a boyfriend. Like most high school romances, it came to an end. After school she came home and cried. Her mother came in her room and said "I don't want you to come home crying tomorrow" in a mocking voice. Kate realized she had let her feelings out. Oops. A mistake. She'll never let it happen again.
When Kate got older she went to college, married sensibly, graduated college, and got a job. She climbed the corporate ladder like everyone assumed she would. She married, but didn't rely on even her husband. For anything. No, you can only rely on yourself if you want to survive.
Kate and her husband decided to have a baby. Kate longed for one of her own, and that's what she was supposed to do, right? To please her parents and everyone else? She got pregnant and everyone was glad.
Kate struggled because she felt as though she should quit her job for the sake of the baby. After all, lets be realistic. You can't work 70 hours a week and have a baby. At least not teach it and raise it to be self-reliant. This, after all, is what it will need to survive.
This dillemma was such a struggle for her. How was she supposed to be self-reliant for herself now? Panic set in. She realized her husband was perfectly capable of being the breadwinner, but 'what if'?? You just never know. After all, her parents were supposed to fill her basic needs, to be her emotional support, and look what happened?
Kate quit her job when the baby was born. And then it happened. The love. The emotion she was feeling. That scary love that she is afraid to unleash because in the past it has only come to haunt her later. It amazes her how she let this little thing that can't even speak, can't even feed itself, take all her own self reliance. And not only that, but she actually let the little thing make her feel again. Like she hasn't felt since she was a child. And this child's love made her look at her husband in a new light, admire him, see parts of him that she wouldn't let herself see before. He was charming, handsome, strong. She let herself love him, too. Really love him for what seemed like the first time.
Kate still finds herself scared, waiting for this love to hurt her. Most of the time she can't enjoy it because of the fear. But every once in a while she catches a glimpse of relaxing, of enjoying the love, and she realizes she has grown a little.
We think we are put on earth to teach our children, but I think God had bigger plans.
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