Friday, February 24, 2006

My hot topic.

Generally I avoid hot topics on my blog, mostly because this is a place for me to have fun and an outlet. If I post something controversial and there's a huge disagreement and people get hurt and people say hurtful things then it isn't a stress reliever for sure. This blog is "Smiles and Laughter" for a reason.

I'm going to sidestep my rule for just one time. It's my blog, I can do that. :) There's a topic I am pretty passionate about. I am also curious what the thinking is of those opposed to it.

Adoption. I just DON'T understand why it isn't more of an option, especially when someone is young. There are SO MANY people out there looking to adopt babies. I'm talking waiting lists of 2 years or more. People on these lists are often times two parent households who are professionals, maybe not rich, but secure.

I think it is very selfish of someone who is young (I'm talking teenage here) and single not to give their child up for adoption. I think it is also selfish of single grandparents to raise the child because they couldn't bare to see the child "given away". People say they chose to keep the child like it is a badge of honor for not "abandoning" him or her. I say what better way is there to honor a child than to allow a secure, mature two parent family who want a child so badly to raise him or her?

I understand that anything could happen to the family once the child has been adopted. The adoptive parents could become single parents due to death or divorce. However, at least there's a CHANCE there. If the baby was kept by the teenage single parent then the baby has no chance at all of having the influence of two parents.

I'm not talking economics. Economically you can make due. Babies are pretty cheap, actually. If you HAVE to you can use cloth diapers, and breastfeeding is free. You can get an entire nursery at Wal-Mart for less than $100. I'm talking maturity and stability. And by "stability" I mean emotional. It is HARD to raise a child. DAMN hard. I never knew how hard it was until I had one. It takes TWO people to keep eachother sane. It takes a lot of maturity and clear thinking, something that the most mature teenager doesn't have, especially if they are alone.

I admire the maturity of teen women and men for that matter who have considered not their own needs or wants, but what BEST suits the needs of the child and put him or her up for adoption.

I'm done with my vent. Thanks. Back to your regularly scheduled program.


gina said...

i agree 100 %. i have friends who have adopted from russia and china because of all the red tape here.

Adrienne said...

If you ever come to understand it will you please explain it to me?

Rhodent said...

It is so sad to me that our culture promotes abortion much more than adoption. I think we have become a very selfish society concentrating on our own rights at the expense of the rights of others. NO matter what your position in the choice/pro-life argument, I think people must recognize that there are many couples who want to adopt and many young lives being thrown away instead of having the opportunity of being loved. It is a sad statement about our world... so much wasted life from illness, starvation, abortion, wars, etc. when there exists enough food and medicine for everyone.

cesca said...

I'm not sure where I am on this one... I hate that abortion is so prevalent, but I also know that if I had an unwanted pregnancy, even though I wouldn't abort it, I couldn't bear to give the baby away after carrying it for 9 months. Maybe it's just some sort of mother hormone thing? I dunno.

In New Zealand we have "open adoptions", which I think are great - do you have them in the US? Basically, the birth mum keeps in touch with the child and adoptive family. They mutually decide how much contact they want - some see each other every week or every month, others decide to just exchange letters and photos. That's SOOOOO much better for everyone, I feel.

Celena said...

Well, I agree that there are a lot of people out there that want to adopt and have found it hard or too expensive (ahem, me).. But, my sister in law had a baby at 15 years old and kept her, and is one of the most loving mothers I have ever met. I don't think she should have given Jenna up for adoption, she is a very well adjusted, smart, likeable young woman now and her and her mother get along really well.

Anjali said...

Hi Carol, my first time on your blog.

I agree totally about adoption ... and I also feel strongly about it from the other side, which I think is more relevant in India, where I live. I think not enough would-be parents consider adoption - I've seen people struggle for years to have a biological child, and then give up altogether because they want their 'own' child.

Such a pity, in this country where so many already-born babies would benefit from someone willing to be a parent.

Jim said...

Yes, this is a hard subject sometimes. I agree with you as for adoption instead of abortion.
But for keeping the child, things might be different.
I'm not a mother, both of us had a lot of love for Karen before she was ever born. We knew her so well we even named her, 'Festus.' She kept that name until birth, for about eight months.
A single mom or if there was an unpleasant conception might change things, even perhaps in favor of adoption.
Keep on with your 'Smiles and Laughter,' Rachel sure does.
Her smiley pictures might be the reason for a decision in favor of something besides an abortion somewhere sometime.

John said...

I was adopted at less than one year of age by the most wonderful people you could ever want to know. Every situation is different. My Bio-parents were drinking fools and the state of Michigan took us all away from them, amen.

But if a teen can do the job, that teen should keep the child. The neighbours at my old house had a daughter who was pregnant at 16 and she did a great job with her little girl...

deni said...

If I would have given my son up when I was 17, maybe he wouldn't have turned out as great as he did. He is a mature 24 year old, with a great job, a house of his own (since he was 20), a wife and two children.

If I would have given him up, I would never have known the two beautiful grandchildren I have.

I was 17, I loved my child as much as someone who is in their 20's or 30's and I don't believe that just because I was young that I HAD to give him up.

I gave all my children the best life I could, I raised them with morals and great care.

I raised them with a belief in God, and a responsibility to be caring individuals.

No, I wasn't a perfect parent, but I don't think anyone could have ever loved them like I did, and I think that counts for a lot.

I am sure there are a lot of young girl's who don't have the maturity or wisdom to raise a child. But there is always two sides of a coin and some young girls can raise kids and quite well.

Carol (Smiles and Laughter) said...

I knew there would be a million people coming here giving me exceptions to the rule. And it is true, there ARE exceptions to everything. I mean, I got married when I was barely 20. I have the best husband possible and a happy, stable marriage. Would I recommend everyone get married at that age? No. Do most marriages fail when people get married that young statistically? Yes.

But no one can deny that generally a single teen doesn't have the support system or maturity to raise a child. It takes WAY more than love to raise a child. Love is VERY important, don't get me wrong. But it takes more than that. Besides, I believe adoptive parents can love an adopted child as much as a natural parent.

MY BIGGEST BEEF is that it is never mentioned as an option. It's always 1) abortion or 2)keep the baby.

We DO have open adoptions in the US, Cesca. It is a great way for the mother to be involved yet not have sole responsibility of raising the child.

Mz Rachel said...

I love this topic. I was married, unhappily, when my first was conceived. Before him I always thought I wanted to adopt instead of having my own. I was 25 and not sure if after divorce I would be raising this child on my own, and wondered if I was capable of raising a child on my own. I seriously thought about giving him up. But after much prayer I decided to stick it out. I am glad I did. He is a huge light in my life. He's not perfect and presents his share of challeges but he is so worth it. And his father and even his parents are a very active part of our lives.

This past year my 20 year old stepsister had an abortion. It is the most heartbreaking thing to watch. I believe life starts at conception. And I know that her body has been left with some damage. She will never be the same again; like anyone who carries a child inside of them.

Anonymous said...

Here in Tennesssee, it is an option presented at our family planning clinics. While I do agree with most of what you say - it is definitely a personal decision. I cannot imagine being on *the other side of the coin*. I knew as a teenager that if I had an unwanted pregnancy - my family was there to support me in keeping or giving up a child for adoption (I don't think they would have supported abortion). Many young girls do not have that support. It must be a heartbreaking decision. My hat is off to you Deni and it sounds like you have raised happy, productive children.


Weary Hag said...

I hate to bring this to light here, but there are also many, many mid to late 20s and early 30s single moms and even COUPLES who are too irresponsible or undeserving of the children they have. Watch 10 minutes of Jerry Springer sometime, just as an eye opener. (then turn if off quickly and run the other way as fast as you can)

I agree about the issue of counseling people who consider abortion to FIRST consider adoption, but I think we need to be awfully careful not to just point a finger at teens in this case.

Some teens are more well equipt (not talking about finances at all here) to handle raising a child than older adults who simply decide to have one because their biological clock is running out. As for finances, many families are willing and able to be most supportive of their pregnant daughter. Those who aren't as fortunate could get TEMPORARY public assistance - though I feel we make a HUGE mistake in this country by not mandating educational and career counseling and placement in those cases.

Excellent topic, Carol!

Weary Hag said...

Just wondering how you are. Hopefully, all's well and you are enjoying countless happy times with baby and hubby! Miss your writings.