Tuesday, April 26, 2005

Feelings of inadequacy.

I am having my first baby shower in two weeks, and the hosts requested we register at a couple of stores. So, my husband and I went to Toys R Us and Target to register for baby stuff.

I hope they kept their store cameras out of the baby section while we were in there. I can see several security personnell in their little dark rooms laughing uncontrollably at us. Let me give you the sinerio.

Imagine two well educated people. Standing. Staring with their mouthes open. Probably a little drool inconspicuously coming from the corner of their mouthes. With a little scanner thingie in their hands. Staring at a large wall of baby miscellaneous stuff.

I say "Where do we start?". He says "Well, lets tackle the little stuff and then the big stuff". I think his thought was the big stuff would be more difficult, so start small. Yea, right.

I did come armed with a few suggestions from friends and books, so I thought I was more prepared than I was. We headed down the isle to the large wall with thousands of miscellaneous baby stuff. OK, bottles first. I hear the angled neck is best. OK. What's this? Little air thingie at the bottom to prevent bubbles? It says it prevents colic. Mom still talks about me having colic. That can't be good. So, OK, we must go with the vent thingie. But do I need the little liners? If you have the liners then it would make the vent thingie obsolite, wouldn't it? And I plan to breastfeed mostly, but I do know I need bottles. He's gotta feed her every once in a while. Here are "nursing" bottles. What the hell is the difference? Oh, it really doesn't say. OK, lets skip that. Thermometers. Well, here's a temporal thermometer. It only takes a second. That's good. But it's fifty bucks. How about this ear one? Why is this ear one twenty dollars and this one thirty five? They look the same. This one says "especially for newborns". Does that mean I can't use it when she's six months? Why does it work better for newborns? OK. Skip that. On to the linens. This little stuff is too hard.

OK, linen section. Mattress pad. Definitely waterproof. Why would you pick anything else? This one looks nice and fluffy and comfy. Wait. I hear too many blankets and padding can cause SIDS. OK, not the fluffy one. Here's a nice flat one. It doesn't go down the sides of the mattress. Do they need to go down the sides? OK, this is too hard...onto the big stuff.

The big stuff went about the same way. We looked like we were practicing for our slapstick comedy act as we tried to figure out how to fold, put together, and convert car seats, strollers, and playpens. The one thing I was sure of was the Boppy, because Angie just told me emphatically I needed one. Got that on the list!

Oh, Lord, please help this poor child who was given to these very inadequate parents.

The only section we didn't have problems with was the toys. Yea, they were fun. Bryan wanted to register her for a darth vader mask. Sorry dear. I think it's obvious who THAT would be for. lol. He's such a geek. But he's a cute geek.

Question: This is the part I ask for baby advice and then go back to change the registry while I still can.

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