Monday, November 15, 2004

Bachelors of Science in Chemistry for sale...Cheap.

The other day I was at that church garage sale of which I spoke earlier. A woman came up to one of the youth that just started college this year and the woman asked her the typical questions...what are you studying, what do you want to do, where are you going. Then she turned to me and says "Now, you have your degree already, right?...what do you plan on doing with it?" I was taken a little off guard. I mean, I've been "Doing with it" for the last 9 years. Truth be told, I'm tired of "doing with it". I'd like to NOT "do with it" for a while. I think I studdered a minute, and then said "For the past NINE YEARS (trying not to emphasize too much) I've been in the Biotech field...." blah, blah, blah. I didn't take what she said as BAD. I was just surprised. I mean, that's like asking someone who just finished a marathon if they plan on training for a 5K. OK, maybe that isn't the best analogy but I can't come up with anything else. Big Smile I actually have had quite a few people think I was quite a bit younger than I am lately. I'm sure that's what she thought. It's a good problem to have. I hope I still have that problem 10 years from now.

Anyway, we've decided I am quitting my job in May. I (we, but mostly "I" because ultimately it's MY decision, and my husband makes it very clear that he understands that so he doesn't persuade me) have thought long and hard about this. It's will probably be one of the hardest things I've had to do. I mean, I've worked damn hard for this career. I make a generous amount of money. Most people would think I am downright CRAZY for giving up this job to live on a preacher's salary. But, I thought, what's important here? The two most important things to me are FAMILY and HEALTH. My job interferes with both. I am sure that the job stress has contributed to our infertility. And even if it hasn't, being away from my husband 80% of the time is not helping either of us and our relationship. Not to mention it is really hard to plan sex during ovulation when I live 4 hours away and only see him two days a week. And as far as health goes, well, working 10 to 12 hours days makes it difficult to exercise or eat right. My cholesterol was 243 so, I need to start eating right and exercising NOW.

Truth is, I feel kind of like a lazy-ass for making that decision, and I'm trying to cope with it. My entire life I've been told working hard was the most important attribute you can have. People are proud of you if you work hard. People don't respect you unless you work hard. I hope the fact that I could make this decision means I'm growing as a person. But the back of my mind I hear myself saying what a lazy-ass, worthless person I am.

All that being said, I think it's time. My husband graduates in May. As much as I'd like to do it now, it will be most practical then. Hopefully I'll be pregnant by then. If not, maybe I'll find something not so stressful that I can do AND live with my husband. After all, even if we don't get pregnant, we'll adopt. We WILL have kids soon.

The sad thing is, it's easy to have "senioritis" when you know it's just a matter of time.


laura said...

Well, look at it this way. It's possible to "work hard" and never get a dime for it.

Being the "preachers wife" would probably give you lots of opportunity to do charitable works - something that those of us who "unable to work" for pay find pretty satisfying. I'd pick a year of unpaid Walk chairing any day of the week over the 3 years of market research hell I went through.

Who knows where your struggles will lead you?

Carol (Smiles and Laughter) said...

You are right. And I hope I didn't imply that people who don't work for a job that they get paid are lazy. I didn't mean that at all. What I meant was, well, I was thinking of my dad at that point. I think I've been obsessed up until now with making lots of money because all of my life my dad has been obsessed with it. Not that he HAD a lot. He certainly did not. But he is so tight with money he could make diamonds if it were coal. When I was in high school all I heard was "Go to college and make lots of money", "All that matters is what you save", etc. But, I need to get off this concern for what "daddy" thinks, because I know what's really important. It's just hard to erase what's engrained in your brain.

If I had kids to stay home with I wouldn't feel so bad. But, I know I will keep busy with volunteering and charity stuff. You are right!