Everyone has trying times. I think that's probably the understatement of the year. They say tough times make you stronger. For me, it makes me question. Maybe it is because I didn't grow up in church that I question God more that other people. Maybe it is because my faith isn't as strong. Heck, maybe everyone questions and it's just not considered kosher so they keep their mouthes shut about it (I tend to believe the ladder, but that's another topic entirely). Either way, good Christian or not, I do question God and his motives.
If you know me know I'm a Little House on the Prairie freak. There was an episode, The Lord is My Shepard, where Ma and Pa have a baby boy. Laura is so jealous of the attention they give him, she wants the baby to go away. The baby dies, and Laura is riddled with guilt. She goes to Rev. Alden to ask how to get prayers answered. He says "Get close to God". She takes him literally and climbs a mountain where she is met by a man (who we later learn is an angel). Laura was praying for God to take her in exchange for her brother. When Larua's Pa finds her she's upset because her prayers weren't answered yet. The man tells Laura God wants her on earth with her Pa. Her prayers WERE answered. The gist of the story is God had his plan, and he had it that way for a reason. Even though you may think your prayers aren't being answered, they are. They just may not be YOUR idea of what should happen. It's best with HIS plan, not ours.
I think that's the hardest lesson I have to learn as a Chrisitan. I am not in control. I want to be in control. I need to be in control. I lose sleep if I'm not in control. I get mad, and whine and cry, and question, and want to hit something. But, ultimately God is in control.
Often we want God to be a McDonald's server. We show up at the coutner, give him our order for a Big Mac, and two seconds later in front of us we expect that two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a sesame seed bun, just the way we want it. But, if we trust that God knows best, he knows that will only clog our arteries. He will give us the salad with low-fat dressing. We may not like it at first, but later we see it's best for us, some way, some how.
If only it was that easy for me to accept.