Tuesday, February 01, 2005

The Moose is loose.

I woke up this morning in a relatively bad mood. My neighbors apparently have not resolved their differences. At 3:21 am I heard something like he doesn't realize she is a good person and I couldn't figure out what she didn't realize. His voice is lower than hers and he doesn't have that bloodcurdling scream. Honestly, if I wasn't a little afraid, I would go up there, knock on the door, and ask them nicely to keep it down. But, being a woman alone I was afraid no one would find my body.

So, already grumpy, and a little nauseous (still got that morning sickenss thing), I got in the shower this morning. Washed my hair. Got out of the shower. Toweled off, and then had one of those panic moments. I realized I AM OUT OF HAIR MOUSSE.

Oh, yea. I see you. You are rolling your eyes, saying something like "Stupid, vain woman". You just don't understand. I have curly hair. If I don't put in mousse or gel to tame the thing it gets out of control. If I walk out in public that way I scare small children. Men run in fear. Women protect their infants. Dogs howl. And, it poofs out so badly it is hard to walk through a doorway.

So, I put my hair up in a ponytail. Big deal, right? But, I never wear a ponytail unless I am working out. And I CERTAINLY wouldn't go out and meet with customers with a ponytail. You see, I have a "family" nose. Have you ever met anyone that had a nose passed down from their father that was in a beauty pageant? I think not. I think Clinger (Klinger?) on M*A*S*H was very proud of his "family" nose. Sam the Eagle on the Muppets has a family nose. I also have a complextion that the US Army has asked if they can drive their tanks on for practice because the craters are much like the sand dunes in Saudi. Oh, no, it's not pretty.

But, I DO have long hair. So, I use it as a shield. It hides the nose and complexion. I walk with more confidence. Cats don't claw my eyes out because they are afraid. It works.

After my work appointments this morning I bought two cans of Mousse. That way I will always have a backup.

Question: What is the one thing you would not want to go without on any given day?


6 comments:

Zulu said...

Pants. I wouldn't go out without pants. I don't really like how my bum looks and people might mistake if for a bowl of cottage cheese. :)

Happy and Blue said...

Coffee springs to mind. A shower maybe...no just coffee.

cesca said...

Well, a cup of tea is a must to start my engines. Then a shower.... I am just not a morning person.

laura said...

I can't get started without caffeine. Can't.

And while this was an amusing thread, I want all you people to know that CAROL IS BEAUTIFUL, and this hair and nose thing is all a load of bullcrap. :)

angela marie said...

True, Deb. How DARE she act like she is not gorgeous!

My problem is the exact opposite. If I don't put a ton of product in my hair, it is so fine and thin it looks like I'm bald. But who gives a shit? I can't go without caffeine...coffee on my days off, Diet Pepsi on my work days. Mmmm... (sorry to rub it in, pregnant hair lady)

Adrienne said...

Carol is on my list of people I hate because she's so beautiful. She's also a liar.

I can't go a day without a shower. I won't even leave the house.