Besides the fact that we can't get any sort of HIGH SPEED internet out here in the depths of East Texas (yes, people, I have to do this on DIAL UP. I will pause for the gasps and pity party............), tonight I realized there are many other things I am going to have to get used to living here.
I went to the grocery store, which is about 40 minutes away. Actually, there IS a grocery store a mere 5 miles from here, but it resembles a grocery store you might see on Leave It To Beaver complete with the wooden floors and a butcher named Fred. But, it does not have 1952 prices like on Leave it to Beaver and is only open until 6pm. So I go the 40 minutes if I need more than one or two items.
I was driving home after the grocery endeavor at about 8:15. To get home I must go down a two-lane country road for about 20 miles. It was dark and I was probably driving a little faster than I should have been. About 5 miles down I had to slam on my brakes. There were about 7 pigs in the middle of the road that almost became pork right then and there. They were pink pigs with black splotches on them. It was dark so I had a hard time telling if they were black markings or mud. Me, being a city girl (or at least the suburbs) didn't know what to do. I've seen cows in the middle of the road but never pigs. And truth be told I don't know what I can do if cows are there, either. The pigs were blocking the way. I honked the horn, but apparently when pigs are in pig school they don't teach them what horns are for. They just stood there staring at me. Chewing. I'm not sure what they were chewing.
I thought about getting out of the car, but hesitated. I've never been around pigs. Can they be mean? Do they run after you? Are these farmer's pigs or wild pigs? I decided they were farmer's pigs because they were pink and didn't have tusks. It was either get out of the car and shoo them or sit there all night, because the pigs had no intention of going anywhere. I got out of the car. I stood there, thinking "what do I do?". I tried "shooing" them, but apparently they don't teach them "shoo pig" in pig school either. When I decided they weren't going to bite me, I tried pushing one on the butt with my shoe. I don't think I pushed hard enough, it was more like a tap. Again, he just stood there.
FINALLY a man in a pickup truck came along. He got out and knew exactly what to do. He picked one up, then the other, then herded a few to the side of the road. I thanked him profusely, he called me "ma'am" several times, and we were on our way. I am sure he and his friends will have lots of fun talking about the city slicker girl he found in the middle of the road trying to shoo pigs without touching them. Oh, well. At least I gave someone something to laugh about.