Monday, February 21, 2005

This country living is going to take some getting used to.

Besides the fact that we can't get any sort of HIGH SPEED internet out here in the depths of East Texas (yes, people, I have to do this on DIAL UP. I will pause for the gasps and pity party............), tonight I realized there are many other things I am going to have to get used to living here.

I went to the grocery store, which is about 40 minutes away. Actually, there IS a grocery store a mere 5 miles from here, but it resembles a grocery store you might see on Leave It To Beaver complete with the wooden floors and a butcher named Fred. But, it does not have 1952 prices like on Leave it to Beaver and is only open until 6pm. So I go the 40 minutes if I need more than one or two items.

I was driving home after the grocery endeavor at about 8:15. To get home I must go down a two-lane country road for about 20 miles. It was dark and I was probably driving a little faster than I should have been. About 5 miles down I had to slam on my brakes. There were about 7 pigs in the middle of the road that almost became pork right then and there. They were pink pigs with black splotches on them. It was dark so I had a hard time telling if they were black markings or mud. Me, being a city girl (or at least the suburbs) didn't know what to do. I've seen cows in the middle of the road but never pigs. And truth be told I don't know what I can do if cows are there, either. The pigs were blocking the way. I honked the horn, but apparently when pigs are in pig school they don't teach them what horns are for. They just stood there staring at me. Chewing. I'm not sure what they were chewing.

I thought about getting out of the car, but hesitated. I've never been around pigs. Can they be mean? Do they run after you? Are these farmer's pigs or wild pigs? I decided they were farmer's pigs because they were pink and didn't have tusks. It was either get out of the car and shoo them or sit there all night, because the pigs had no intention of going anywhere. I got out of the car. I stood there, thinking "what do I do?". I tried "shooing" them, but apparently they don't teach them "shoo pig" in pig school either. When I decided they weren't going to bite me, I tried pushing one on the butt with my shoe. I don't think I pushed hard enough, it was more like a tap. Again, he just stood there.

FINALLY a man in a pickup truck came along. He got out and knew exactly what to do. He picked one up, then the other, then herded a few to the side of the road. I thanked him profusely, he called me "ma'am" several times, and we were on our way. I am sure he and his friends will have lots of fun talking about the city slicker girl he found in the middle of the road trying to shoo pigs without touching them. Oh, well. At least I gave someone something to laugh about.

11 comments:

cesca said...

You know, I'd be stumped about what to do with pigs also!

(and I do this on dial-up too!)

laura said...

oh. my. god. rotflmao!

I wonder, woulda pictch fork worked? If you had one handy?

I wonder.

Anonymous said...

LOL!!!! Pigs are stubborn creatures! (I work in agriculture.)How funny!

I LOVE country living. We're not as far out from things as you - but our little area is pretty rural. I do have a grocery store close by! In fact, hubby and I are constantly in search of the *perfect property* (HA!) further out in the country. I bet it grows on you!

tina

ps - I would love to have a miniature donkey!!

deni said...

That's a funny story, I wouldn't have known what to do with the pigs either. When I was little, we went to my Uncle's farm for a visit, he had this big mean Sow who chased all of us kids onto the porch, so I would probably have not got out of the car. I would have sat there like an idiot until someone came along to rescue me. With my luck, I'd still be sitting there. :)

MilkMaid said...

I keep hearing the theme to Green Acres.

(Too funny, glad you didn't have an accident tho)

Tuesy said...

I would not dare laugh at you for still having dial up. I too live in a small town and when we were here before (hubby was military) we had to have dial up....drove me insane since we had left a place with cable modems... We were gone from here for 6 years and we came back...(I know, we need our heads examined) but they did indeed move up to cable modems and even dish network. Maybe they have the dish avaiable where you are now..

Now as far as those pigs...*L*...only thing I know about a pig is that they move with force...force being to take a 2x4 and hit them on the rear end...(grandfather had some and he had to do that to them).and then they'd move...

Only problem with that is I don't always have a 2x4 with me when I go places, and I couldn't hit a pig or anything else for that matter...so I'd of just sat there...

Elle said...

First fire ants, now pigs??!??

You best stay in the city girl ! (please insert Texan accent).

Pigs only respond to being "shooed" if the shoes shooing are Manolo Blahniks. They are very smart animals. In fact they don't go to pig school they go to graduate school.
;)

happyandblue2 said...

I think a cattle prod would do the trick for most animals, pigs included.

Frally said...

Ha! That's pretty funny. My brother-in-law lives out on a farm. When we go to visit, he sometimes has some new sheep. He tells us they'll be driving along and there'll be a sheep standing in the middle of the road looking all lost, so they'll put'em in the back of the car and take 'em home. It would NEVER occur to me to do that, but I guess that's why I'm not a farmer.

Cyndi said...

2nd verse sounds like the first:

I SAID: I can't imagine the people driving in Houston being any different than the pigs in the country. Think I might prefer the country pigs...hehe...

angela marie said...

Oh. My. God.


**snicker**