In the mind of a pregnant woman...

An actual conversation I had with myself earlier this evening, and one more reason I should be chained to the sofa.

My stomach is getting puffy. Certainly I'm not showing yet. I'm only 9 weeks. Too early. Does that mean I'm eating too much? I AM hungry all the time. But the thought of just about every food makes me want to vomit. And I just took one bite of an apple and threw it away because it didn't sound good. So, that can't be. Maybe the pregnancy is molar. I just read in the book how molar pregnancies cause a woman to get too big too fast. Oh, NO! No, you saw the heartbeat, dimwit. Calm down. Maybe I just need to eat healthier. Maybe that's it. Oh, no. The book said if you gain too much weight you can have complications during childbirth. What am I going to do?!? Celery! Buy some CELERY! The fiber would do me some good, anyway. Yea, definitely would. Go to the store NOW. No. I'm too tired. I wish I could teach the dog to go to the store for me. No. She'd probably eat all of the dog biscuits in the dog aisle and never make it home with celery.